"3LB Chocolate Door Prize."

Note:  I'm not in a humorous mood lately - so I feel the need to bring out another story I wrote several years ago.

The 3lb Chocolate Door Prize

January 16, 2007

We educate some of our kids at home. I am their primary teacher. Every semester I am required to attend a school faculty meeting with other home schooling families from across the state led by Group Leaders who try to keep us organized, compliant and entertained.

At the beginning of our last meeting they had a contest to give away a 3 pound Chocolate Bar as a door prize.  The bar was awarded based on the answers to questions that the leaders thought a few, but not many home school moms could attest to. 

First question, “Who mopped their kitchen floor BEFORE arriving at this 9:00 a.m. meeting?” 

Two hands go up? I look around disgusted with myself. I can’t remember the last time I mopped my kitchen floor. But I’m not alone. There are 50 other people in that room sitting on their hands.

It’s a tie requiring a follow-up question, “What time did you have to leave to get here this morning?”

One of the top two moms answers, "7:00 a.m."

The other mom looks sheepishly embarrassed and said, “This seems unbelievable, but I left at 7:00 a.m. too.” 

Wait - they BOTH mopped their floors before 7:00 a.m.?!?
Only in my dreams.

The two aforementioned questions require a third and final tie-breaking question, “Did you make a homemade breakfast from scratch for your family BEFORE leaving for this meeting? 

I can’t bear to look. These are questions from the Twilight Zone.

The first mom looks down sadly, as if she had just committed a mortal sin. “No. We had whole grain cereal with milk from our cow and fruit that I canned this summer.”

Everyone looks in anticipation at the second mom who says, “Does baking homemade bread count?” She was serious.

I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically, but wasn’t that the point?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m absolutely thrilled that these moms have a servant’s heart and have organized their lives in such a way that they are able to lovingly feed their families and clean up after them before 7 a.m. on a Saturday morning. I truly imagine the same life for myself all the time. I really do. But that isn’t in my cards and I’ve come to accept that.

No. I laughed because a 3-pound Chocolate Bar was chosen as a door prize by a woman who obviously loves chocolate and won by a mom who bakes homemade bread at 4:30 a.m. and then mops her floor. They say you buy for others the gift you want for yourself.

I laughed even harder as I recalled the events of that morning in my house. I don’t know what the other 50 moms were doing with their time before our faculty meeting, but I’m almost positive none of them were watching a soap opera and eating bon bons. That’s not in the mom job description.

When we got home from the meeting, I received a follow-up email from the group leader about the meeting. I couldn’t resist the urge, so I responded:

“I was so disappointed that you didn’t ask, 'Who had to physically restrain a wildly angry and aggressive 12-year-old foster child (so that he wouldn’t hurt himself or someone else), try to get him understand what it means to deceive, and demonstrate to him that he is under the authority of parents who take actions to help him -- BEFORE COMING TO THIS MEETING!”

Welcome to my life.

I really needed that 3 lb chocolate bar. And to think, I could have just made bread or mopped my floor.”

Just for the record, I have baked bread and mopped my floor at few times in my life. But never before 7:00 am. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.