Confessions of An Angry Mom: It’s Time To Get My Heart Checked.

  

Confessions of An Angry Mom:  It’s Time To Get My Heart Checked.

Warning:  If you are sensitive to certain word choices, you might not want to read this the third column of this post.  It is honest.  When I’m really frustrated or overwhelmed, I use words that some would consider impolite. Consider yourself warned.

I’m a mother and a teacher and a coach.  Most of my days are spent teaching, training and taking care of others.   My favorite verse is directly related to my obvious NEED to remember that if I do not have a servant’s heart, then my service is just good works and I’m screwed.  The verse I quote over and over to my kids and my students is from Luke 6:45:   “... For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” In other words, if my heart is full of good, good things will come out.  If my heart is hard and angry, then bad things come out. 

I’m a good teacher and coach and I know exactly how to help my students, friends and clients.  But it would really help me to have a ME in my life, someone who is willing to call me out.  Although it might not be obvious from my conduct, I spend a good portion of my day in self-evaluation.   I’ve decided that I’m pretty selfish and self-centered.  Otherwise, I wouldn’t be upset about anything, because my anger seems to be rooted in the problems that someone else causes for me.

I’ve decided it’s time for true confessions.  I’m speaking for myself, but I’m willing to bet that if people are honest, almost all moms and dads find themselves thinking, if not saying, similar things.

WARNING: If this makes you laugh or cry, you might need to check your heart!

What happens.	What I say on a good day.	What I think and should - but don’t always - edit before I say on a bad day.
My 3-year-old is play wrestling with his 5-year-old brother. I warn them that someone is going to get hurt.  Someone gets hurt.	“I’m sorry.  But I warned you that you would get hurt.  Go wipe the blood off your nose.”	“What is wrong with your brain?  I tell you every single time you are running through the living room and doing head butts into his stomach that you will get hurt.  Big surprise.  Tough it out.  Now go wipe the blood off your nose and clean it up off the floor because I’m not cleaning your mess.”
My teenager waits until the night before a big paper is due to start.	“Son.  You know the rules.  You must have the final draft ready two nights before it is due so that I have time to help you edit and figure out your problems.  I have 50 other things I need to be doing right now and I’m exhausted.  I can’t start helping you at 10 p.m. the night before it is due. You are on your own.  But if you don’t make a decent grade, you won’t be going anywhere this weekend.”	“Stupid.  Stupid.  Stupid. You are too smart not to understand the problem here.  Procrastination doesn’t work.  Don’t expect me to feel sorry for your decision to procrastinate.  I’m not feeling the slightest bit guilty.  Just pissed that I have to keep repeating myself. Now go fix the problem that you created. “
Two children get into an argument.  One hits.  The other returns the hit.	“I’m sorry, but you deserve each other.  Both of you are hitting to solve your problems and it hurts.  Both of you know not to hit.  Use your words.”	“Why do I have to say this 25 times per day?  Haven’t ya’ll figured out the problem yet?  Maybe you will beat the living crap out of each other and decide on your own hitting is not the best plan. “
I tell my extremely stubborn 6-year-old to go pick up his towel and hang it on the hook.  He starts shouting and wailing, “No!  It isn’t my towel.  I already did.  I don’t want to.  Why do I have to get the towel, no one else did?”	“Excuse me. ‘No,’ is not one of your options.  The correct answer is ‘Yes Ma’am.’  Now go pick up the towel.”	“UGGGGHHHH.  I can’t stand this!  I hate stubborn disobedience and intentional defiance. What am I doing wrong that makes you think that it is okay to refuse to obey?  I get so mad I just want to throw something or hang YOU up in that towel.  Why are you so damn stubborn?  It makes me not want to be around you at all.  Is that what you want?”
My adult daughter calls to tell me that her car just died and she needs help getting to and from work.	“Sure.  What time do I need to come get you?”	“Really?  Really?  It is always something.  I finally get a few hours to myself and what do I get to do?  Drive my adult children.  What fun.  I can’t wait. “
I tell my 7-year-old to get her snack and put it in her backpack for school.  She hears me, but continues to play and forgets. I move on to the next thing. On her way out the door the next morning, she suddenly remembers and tries to run back inside to get her snack. NOTE:  This is not a child who must have a snack to function in school. I have some kids that can’t afford to miss a snack.  She can.	“I told you to put the snack in your backpack. I’m sorry, but we are running late.  You cannot go back to get a snack.  Next time, maybe you will obey when I remind you. And you are not allowed to get a snack from the teacher.”	Thinking… “Oh great.  Now I have to take the time to email the teacher so my child doesn’t use this as an excuse to get a junky snack from the teacher’s community snacks.  Uggh!  I don’t have time for this! But I know that she is going to whine at school and tell the teacher that I didn’t give her a snack.  And I don’t want the teacher to have to deal with her either.  If I don’t call, then the teacher will feel sorry for her and give her a snack out of the community snack bucket.  It will be chips or something she loves, so the lesson will be lost.  And I’ve already spent far too much time thinking about this stupid issue.”
My toddler crawls behind the couch and unplugs the lamp cord which is directly below the safety cap on the upper plug.  He then proceeds to take a fork and stick it as far as he can into the socket.	Leaping forward not knowing what he is sticking into the light socket, I shout… “OMG!!!  NOoooooo! Stop baby. That is a No No!  No! No! That will hurt baby.  OUCHIE!  No baby No!  Thank goodness we use plastic forks!  That would hurt baby.”	“OMG!!!  NOoooooo!  Stop!  What are you doing child?  Are you crazy?  That is a No NO! Did I say that is a No No, because I meant to say it was a NOooo NOOOOO!  You can’t do that!  OMG.  OMG. OMG.  Thank you God for watching him and taking care of him. Thank you for plastic forks. I can’t do this.  I’m not smart enough or fast enough.  I can’t be  everywhere all the time.   Ugggh!!! Pant. Pant.  OMG. OMG. OMG.”
My teen doesn’t want to go to church with the family.  He would rather sleep in or go to the church where his best friend goes.  He whines and moans and complains and asks if he can just skip “this week” or  go to another church.	“I understand that you don’t want to go, but this is my only opportunity to gather the entire family together at one place and I need that every week.  It is important to me.  And because it is important to me, you must go.  Sleeping is not an option and you can go to youth group at your friend’s church.  Now get dressed without complaining and be ready at 9:30.”	“Screw it.  I don’t care if you come or don’t come.  Sleep all freakin’ day or go with some other family to church.  I HATE listening to you complain week after week.  It puts me in a pissy mood and makes going to church miserable.  Every time you try to get your way it is saying to me that I’m not important enough to you to cooperate.  I hate that feeling.  I want you to go whether you like it or not just because I need it. I spend most of my time meeting ya’lls needs.  Is it so wrong for me to ask ya’ll to fulfill one of my needs?  But whatever.  Do whatever the hell you want and I’ll go worship God by my damn self!”
My son spills his juice accidentally.	“It’s not a big deal.  Go get a towel and clean it up. Then get the juice and I’ll pour you some more.”	“Crap. Crap. Crap.  I know it was an accident and you weren’t doing anything wrong, but now I have to get all the sticky juice off the floor and counter and chair.  More work.  More work.  Does it ever end?”
My son spills his milk after I tell him to sit down and quit playing at the table.	“Go get a towel and clean it up.  That is what happens when you play at the table.  No more milk tonight.”	Crap. Crap. Crap. I JUST mopped the floor an hour ago! I tell you over and over again to stop playing at the table.  Can’t you just obey me? Can’t you just listen so you don’t keep making messes?  I’m tired.  I’m sick of cleaning. I’m sick of disobedience.  I just want to quit this job forever!”
My adult child calls at 10p.m. and just wants to process with me.	“No. I’m not busy. What can I do for you?”	(Eyes rolling.) Ahhh.  Maybe if I just don’t answer the phone she will go away.  It’s late.  I just got into bed.  I’m exhausted.  I hate talking on the phone on a great day.  I have already had my fill of helping people today. Do I really have to listen to more people talk?
My son needs to go to the bathroom in  a public place. He must go in the women’s room with me.  He starts to pee without lifting the seat and gets pee all over the seat because he has unsophisticated aim!	“Sweetie.  You need to remember to lift the seat before you go potty.  If not, you get pee on the seat and girls don’t like to sit on your pee.”	“Lovely.  Just what I want to do.  Wipe your  pee off the seat in a public bathroom.  Whatever!”
Same bathroom trip… My child tells me that he needs to go poop.  Before I realize what he is doing, he has LIFTED the lid and is going to sit on the toilet!!!	“Wait! I didn’t mean the lift the lid when you POOP! Oh well, at least you tried to obey!”	What can I say.  Good or bad day --- this is the point to simply laugh!!!!
My adult daughter wants me to play Nanna and keep her kids while she and her husband get away for a few days.	“I can’t wait to see the grandkids and I know that you guys need a break. Can you bring them over now?”	“Agggh.  I really want to see the kids and I definitely want to give my daughter a break, but I am so freakin’ tired.  I just want to crawl into a hole and hide.  When is it MY turn to take a break?”
The teacher sends home a note asking for a family picture. I read the note and remember it 3 days later.	Note to the teacher:  “This is our family picture.  It contains as many kids as we can gather in one location at one time. Please don’t expect my child to be able to explain all of our rather unique relationships.  All he knows is this is his family!”	“Crap.  I vaguely remember that I am supposed to send a picture to school, but I have no idea which kid is supposed to bring it.  Crap!  Crap! Now I have to look through 8 school folders and assignment books to figure out which child OR I have to print 8 copies and send one with each child and hope for the best. Doesn’t anyone know how hard it is to get a picture of this crazy group?  My kids, even my teenagers have to ask how many siblings they have.  Anyway, I’ve looked in eight folders, and I still have no idea.  Whatever.  My kid is the only one with a family the size of Texas and not a single photo to prove he has a family at all.”
My pre-teen gets so angry at me that he punches the wall and his fist goes through it.  He runs upstairs to his room and sends me a text.  “Just tell me when you are going to make me move out and where I will be living. I need to know now.”	“Son, what makes you think that just because you make a mistake we won’t keep you? I needed to know what you would do if you were pushed to your limits.  I needed to know that you wouldn’t hurt me even though you were raging.  You didn’t hurt me.  You hurt a wall. And your fist.  The wall can be fixed.  The important thing is that you proved that you won’t physically hurt a woman.  As for the hole:  You need to research how to repair sheetrock and start learning.  Either you will pay to fix the hole or you will learn to do it yourself.	Oddly.  I don't have bad days when I'm dealing with really big stuff.  I would have reacted this way no matter what my mood on any given day. It's the little stuff that gets me.

Duct Tape or Die Trying: Managing a Toddler by Anna Giattina Lee

DUCT TAPE OR DIE TRYING:  MANAGING A TODDLER

Yesterday, I found myself saying aloud to my 15-month-old, “Child, do you have any idea what toys are?  Introducing them, I pointed and said, “These two huge baskets of things are designed specifically for you to play with.”  He ignores me.  Hearing the knob turning on the front door, he races for it, hoping to escape before I can grab him. I leap forward, knowing that if he escapes, I will have to sprint to catch up with his chubby little bow legs that can leave the Road Runner in the dust.

My toddler could give Houdini a run for his money!  This kid can escape from any position meant to keep him safe and secure.  We have tried everything but Duct Tape to hold him down.  He shimmy’s out of his highchair (tightened strap and all) like a professional escape artist removing himself from a straight jacket before the rope burns and he is plunged into a tank of man-eating sharks.

He can pull over a chair, climb up onto a countertop, stand up and hang from the light fixture with such stealth and grace that standing within 3 feet of him I don’t hear him until I happen to turn around from my position at the stove.

There is no “safety” gate for this kid.  We have tried every brand available and rigged and engineered it for maximum harassment.  Yet, he manages to find a way to open the child-proof lock.  Or he climbs over the gate using his toes, feet and hands like a professional rock climber.  Federal standards require certain spacing between bars.  But the federal government forgot to consult my child.  He has been known to push the gate with such force that he can make the space large enough for him to get through – starting feet first so that he can use his hands and feet to keep the space open for his head.

And those supersized play yards – the ones designed to contain children playing  nicely with their toys – he simply pushes the ENTIRE play yard through the house, molding and bending it to fit through doorways, into the kitchen, through the laundry room and anyplace else he chooses to drag it, himself, and all his toys.

Oh, and because lifting it up is too much trouble sometimes, he simply pushes the gate over the edge of the first stair going down, creating a hole for him to crawl under so that he can escape.  The play yard is nothing more than one more step in the game of SET ME FREE!!!

This toddler can push furniture around the house and shove chairs close to the wall so that he can remove the pictures from the walls!!  I have raised a heck of a lot of kids.  He is the FIRST to remove hanging pictures from the walls!

Yesterday, at the store, I had him strapped into the cart.  While I was at the checkout, he managed to pull his body out of the strap and stand up – strap still attached.  The clerk, an elderly woman with a cane standing behind me in line and I all lunged toward him thinking he was about to fall.  He just laughed and sat back down!  I re-tightened the strap and I’ll be dang if he wasn’t out of it and about to stand again before the clerk had given me my change!

This morning was a cool, crisp Alabama morning and I decide to walk seven kids under the age of seven to our local farmer’s market a few blocks away.  My toddler and 2-year-old were in a double stroller.  My toddler leans forward and places both hands on the front wheels to feel the motion.  Almost instantly, he discovers that he can stick his head UNDER the seat, while still keeping both hands on the wheels! Put it this way, he would have flipped the entire double stroller if I hadn’t maintained a counterweighted position at the handles.  Every time I pulled him back into the seat, he instantly flipped forward again! And again!  At one point we were crossing the street and a man in a truck just stared in disbelief at the scene of me repeatedly trying to stop his flipping, while still watching all the other kids.  Finally, I gave up and just held my position at the rear!

Ugggh! This mom to many knows nothing about raising kids.  Every time I think I have things under control – or at least that I should – a new child changes the rules by being different from the last kid. 

I titled this blog post, “Managing a Toddler.” That’s a joke.

Ultimately, I think I’m stuck with editing the title,  “How Do I Manage a Toddler?!?!? ” 

Pssst. Hey.  For the record, duct tape is not allowed.  If it was, I would have used it!

MOMMY TEMPER TANTRUMS: A GUILTY PLEASURE PART II Aka: How To Break A Metal Spoon In 5 Easy Steps

MOMMY TEMPER TANTRUMS:  A GUILTY PLEASURE PART II

Aka: How To Break A Metal Spoon In 5 Easy Steps

(Disclaimer: This How-To List may or may not be loosely based on actual events!)

1. Buy cheap metal.  Dollar Tree stuff doesn’t count.  It is made to break upon first use and is therefore not useful for the purposes described below. And for the record - bending the spoon just won’t be satisfactory.
2. Position yourself within earshot of a young child that is screaming, flailing and pitching a fit for the 100^th time in one day because s/he can’t have what s/he wants.  Know from past experience that reason and logic are useless and that the child has no “OFF” button.
3. Grab the spoon that you are cooking with and begin banging it on the arm of a cushy chair while shouting at the top of your lungs in an overtly dramatic manner, “I can’t take this anymore!” Repeat as necessary, following each proclamation with repeated banging motions on the arm of the chair to the tempo of your wails.
4. Place the opposing forearm on your forehead and cry out in misery, “What am I supposed to do?  Somebody?  Anybody? God?  Help me!  I’m only human and this is making me CRAZY! I’ve reached my breaking point!" If you are lucky, the dramatic scene will be enough to distract your child and cause a momentary reprieve from the child’s tantrum. If you are even luckier, the spoon will snap in two at precisely this moment, much to the astonishment of said kid (and mom), causing him or her to stop screaming and ponder how mom just broke a thick metal spoon on a cushy chair.
5. Go out and buy a new spoon.  Then have a mega-sized ice-cold Diet Dr. Pepper, or your drink of choice. 

Postscript:  Expect your children to tell this story to their friends and their friend’s parents, not in fear, but in utter amazement at the brute strength of their mother.  Prepare to explain without having your kids removed by the state authorities.  Under no circumstances are you to consider the irony of pitching a temper tantrum to stop a temper tantrum.  It is pointless.

Don't Meet Your Hero.

Don’t meet your Hero!

By Anna Lee

Don’t meet your hero.

Unless you want to be disappointed. 

Unless you want to recognize that your hero is human.

And sinful.

And flawed.

Don’t meet your hero.

Unless you are prepared to see the truth.

Unless you want to feel hopeless.

And lost.

And deceived.

Don’t meet your human hero. 

Who was never meant to replace

The one and only true hero.

The one Savior.

The one who does not leave us.

Or forsake us.

The one that was fully human

And is fully God.

The one that is not and never was a sinner

But who gave his life for our sins.

Don’t meet your human hero.

Don’t expect a hero to meet your needs.

Don’t rely on a physical being to rescue you.

Don’t seek truth where it cannot be found. 

Look up.

Look down.

Look around.

He is there.  Waiting.  Patiently.

Ready for a relationship.

Ready to meet you where you are.

Ready to gently guide to where He wants you to be.

You will not find your hero in your mom or your dad.

You will not find your hero in a spouse or a lover.

In a pastor or a mentor.

Or any man.

Or any woman.

Don’t meet your hero. 

Meet your Savior.

Meet the one who loves unconditionally.

Meet the one who restores.

Meet the one who is ready to redeem.

The one that will not deceive.

Or leave you.

There

And only there.

Will you find what your heart is looking for. 

Only there.

With your Savior. 

Answering Your Life's Calling

This entry originally appeared as a guest blog for Catie Lumpkin's ThisHighCalling.blogspot.com for Foster Care Month, May 2013.  Check out her blog!

Preface:  I am a 50-year-old mamma with 20 children that are legally ours and another 30 or so that have come through our home.  I grew up as a foster sibling to medically fragile children and then became a foster and adoptive parent when I married.  I have been living this lifestyle for 40 years. 

Sometimes, I feel that I’ve become too jaded and tired to recruit foster and adoptive families. But then I remember that in the face of thousands of obstacles, my husband and I continue to choose to follow this path.  That speaks volumes to me about our relationship to our calling.

I know that my views are not universal.  There are plenty of people who will tell you to do what feels good.  What makes you happy.  I disagree with that basic premise.  I don’t believe we were put on this earth to find “happiness” for ourselves based on whatever we feel at any given moment.

In that light, my words do not address the tremendous need for foster and adoptive parents of older children (which I define as any child old enough to remember details of their past).  The need is well-documented. 

If you are reading this and you are already a foster or adoptive parent, you are likely to understand, but may need conviction to endure this journey. 

If you are thinking about fostering or adopting, I challenge you to read all the way to the end.  My approach is not particularly designed to make you feel good about yourself or about the potential impact you might have on these children.

Likewise, it is not designed to dramatize the incredible needs through sob stories. They are too numerous to repeat here.

Instead, I have chosen to focus on God’s calling and the need for you to carefully examine whether fostering and adopting older children (or any children at all) is your calling. 

 Answering Your Life's Calling

By Anna Giattina Lee

Within a week of living with us, the truth spilled out from our new 6 ½ year-old daughter.  From the backseat of my Suburban she revealed with determination,  “I’m going to make you hate me.  I’m going to make you send me away.” 

She was too young to realize that she was showing her hand, but old enough to know the drill. 

If she can intentionally behave so badly that we have no choice but to fear her. 

If she can “act” her way out of our home before we have a chance to get to know her and decide that we don’t like her or that she is too hard to keep. 

If she can create and/or determine the events that make us send her away BEFORE she has a chance to care about us.

Then  - in some small way - she feels like she is in control.  And control is something she desperately seeks.

Unconditional love. Unconditional acceptance. 

How do you persuade someone to open up his home, his life, his family, his church, and his heart to lost and hurting children that need temporary or permanent care?

How do you ask someone to set aside there own desires and make what could be a long-term commitment to someone that they haven’t even met and may not connect with right away? 

In a country where we promise to stay in our marriages “until death do us part,”  yet even active professing Christians regularly divorce,  how do you communicate to another that unconditional love and commitment is a choice, but once given shouldn’t be broken?

How do you explain that - after a short honeymoon phase - for the most part these young people will act like they don’t want to be a part of your life;  they will challenge you, your patience and your self-control in hundreds of ways on a daily basis; and they are likely to reject you and your values for longer than you can imagine or justify.

How do you help someone hear the calling on his or her life, when it goes contrary to the “I deserve to be happy” American philosophy, and the “God wants me to be happy” Christian agenda?  

How can my commentary compete with famous evangelical Christians like Pat Robertson, who last August declared to a single woman with three adopted children that was having trouble finding a relationship: “A man does not want to take on the United Nations.”  Mr. Robertson went on to describe a dear friend that adopted “a little kid from an orphanage” that was brain damaged and grew up “weird.” 

How can I compete with the fear of weird perpetuated by famous Christians?

Before Mr. Robertson realized the error of his words, he continued, “You just never know what’s been done to a child before you get that child.  What kind of sexual abuse there’s been, what kind of cruelty, what kind of food deprivation etc., etc., etc.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhyJpLIpRVA.  He concluded that thought saying, “You don’t have to take on other people’s problems.”

Respectfully, I say, “No sir.  We may have no idea about their past experiences. The kids didn’t make the choice to be abandoned, neglected or abused. And yes, even with our best efforts, they might grow up “weird.”

In his defense, Mr. Robertson did suggest that people can help orphans in other ways, “but that doesn’t mean that you have to bring them into your home.”

Unconditional love.  Unconditional acceptance. It’s a choice.

Looking at Mr. Robertson’s words in their best possible light, he unwittingly makes the point that you have to choose to foster or adopt. No one can make you do it if you don’t want to.  To that degree, I agree.

Absolutely, positively no one should foster or adopt if he or she is not called to it. 

Notice, I did not say “if you don’t feel called” to it. 

It’s too easy to deny the feeling to do something that is going to be hard and change your life.

So the real question is:  Who is called?

I wish I had that answer. But that is a question that I must defer to God and his Believer.

When people learn that we foster and adopt so many children, almost every person says the same thing, “I could never do what you are doing.” 

And I have a stock response. “Then don’t do what I am doing.  Do whatever God is calling you to do.  And I promise.  He is calling you to something.”

I know this is truth because of words like those found in Mark 10:45, “Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.  For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

I wish I could cast my web of judgment and tell you directly that 

YOU should be caring for the orphans because knowing that there are no more lost or hurting children is a BIG deal for me.

But the call for all is to service.  What that service looks like will be different for each person because there are a tremendous variety of needs to be fulfilled.

The only thing I can be sure of is that God is calling more people to foster and adopt than are answering the call. 

We can choose.  We are given that privilege. But that choice requires more.  Unconditional love.  Unconditional acceptance.

As Believers, we have been unconditionally adopted into God’s family.  He is our Abba Father.  We are his children.  He loves us unconditionally.  But, as a member of God’s family, we are asked to set aside our own desires and accept God’s will for our lives.  God opens his home, his life, his church and his heart to the lost and hurting.

Like these lost and hurting children, sometimes in our struggle to walk with God we are angry or defiant and we don’t want to walk with him.  We blame him for our losses. We challenge his patience and wrath daily.  We often reject his values, just like stubborn children.

Are we any different from the children who test and challenge us and our commitment to them?

In my mind and heart, I believe that our Christian walk is designed to make us more like Jesus.  To follow his lead and his instruction.  To attempt, as best we can, to do what Jesus did.  If that is true, then how can we deny our role in caring for those who are needy?

After I wrote those words, it occurred to me to check the beliefs of my mind and heart with God’s Word.  I Googled “act more like Jesus.”  A verse came up that I had never noticed before in reference to fostering and adopting. 1 Peter 2:21-23. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.

You don’t get any special credit for enduring punishment for the consequences of your sin.  It’s expected. 

But if you do good and even in doing good you suffer and endure, God appreciates it.

The words that really caught my attention for the first time, perhaps ever, is that we have all been called to suffer. I tend to think of suffering as it relates to pain or loss.  But when I looked up the word, it also means, to “allow something, to be adversely affected, or to undergo something unpleasant.”

Somehow, these words in Peter explain so much about my not so popular views.

Unconditional love. Unconditional acceptance. We have a choice to accept our calling.  To suffer and endure.  To take up the cross.  To be more like the Savior we profess to worship.

I spent almost a month trying to figure out the words I wanted to convey to those who crossed my path. I didn’t feel like I was supposed to tell you about our foster and adoptive success stories, although there are quite a few. 

I didn’t feel like I was supposed to dwell on how good you will feel doing the hardest thing you will ever do.

I didn’t feel like I should focus on the rewards that come from following God’s calling on your life. 

Perhaps it is because I’m a little old fashioned and I really really really don’t like to reward my kids for doing what they are supposed to do because it is the right thing to do.

I know rewards work – it is called behavior therapy – but I despise rewards for what is expected or required in life.  It goes against everything I feel inside and everything I want to teach my kids about the value of doing what is good or right simply because it is good or right. 

My thoughts suddenly seem so clear. 

Fostering and adopting is not something you do because you will see results or benefit from it. It is something you do because you are called to do it. 

Sometimes, it feels far more like suffering that anything else.  But God has never failed to let me know that he values what I do.  Sometimes, that is shown through a changed life.  Other times, he shows me that if I do whatever I do for His glory, then I’ve done my part regardless of the outcome.

It is important to understand that you don’t have to know how to do this incredibly difficult job before you accept the calling.  You don’t have to have all the answers. What I do is not based solely on my experience,  knowledge or perfection.  It is messy.  And sometimes ugly.  I act selfishly more times than not.  And I get angry and frustrated and tired.  I want more time for myself.  I want the problems to simply go away. 

But God equips. God provides.  We are the vessel.  Ironically, God will work far more on Us and our character than We will ever do for the children he brings into our life.

All this takes me back to the story of when my newly adopted daughter challenged me at that stop sign during the first week she joined our family, I had very little experience with older children joining our family? But I knew what to say.

I glared at my 6 1/2 –year-old in the rearview mirror and said firmly, “You can make me angry and you can make me not like you.  But you can’t make me send you away.  We promised to love you and keep you and we will, no matter how you act.”

When I said that, I had no way of knowing the impact those words might have on her little mind and spirit.  But two years before she died in an automobile accident, she wrote some significant words in a Mother’s Day letter to me, “I still remember the first night I met you in Missouri. You didn’t phase me a bit. I thought you’d be gone in no time. I played that game way too many times, I knew how to win. But life has proven me wrong. I can’t win everything and I can’t do it all by myself.”

My heart’s desire is that you are convicted to think hard about your calling in this life.  I’m not trying to guilt you.  Nor to persuade you.  Because both of those will lead to a short-term commitment to whatever you do.

I want undeniable conviction for whatever your calling.

As a foster or adoptive parent, you will certainly need a deep-seeded desire and commitment to follow through no matter what.  And there are likely to be a whole lot of “no matter whats.”

It’s hard.  Very hard.  But I have NEVER wished that I was given another calling.

Post script: For other things to read that support my thoughts, here are a few sites to visit.

http://www.afamilyforeverychild.org/kids/AdoptingATeenager.php

http://www.adoptinfo-il.org/teensneeduncond/

http://www.adoptinfo-il.org/delayed-blessing/

http://www.adoptinfo-il.org/myadvice/

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1198914-5,00.html

http://lifelineadoption.blogspot.com/search/label/Domestic

http://www.davethomasfoundation.org/about-foster-care-adoption/

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/09/25/factchecker-divorce-rate-among-christians/

Thoughts Of A Modern Christian: What Would I See and Hear if Jesus Was Walking the Streets Performing Miracles Today?

GOOGLIE SEARCH:  Jesus Savior 2013

Purely Hypothetical Thoughts of a Modern Christian

Anna Giattina Lee

I’ve been reading Luke as a book and I was astonished at one miracle after another.  I began to ponder and my mind began to wander:  If Jesus were walking the earth today performing miracles and interacting with us, how and what would I hear about it?

Godlytube video:

 Repent & Be Saved: Savior Caught On Tape Performing Miracles In Times Square

Monstrosity.com:

 “ISO Personal Assistants: Self-Proclaimed Savior ISO 12 trustworthy sinners to follow him.  Must be willing to leave all your possessions behind, willing and able to learn at the feet of a master, follow instructions, seek to understand parables, serve thousands, write well, stay awake, pray and fast. Not a paid position. Unique Benefit Package.  Send Inquiry to DisciplesRUs.com.”

Major City News:

Thousands Break Out in Spontaneous Peaceful Worship of Self-Proclaimed Savior in Times Square While Police Watch: ACLU Files Lawsuit Claiming Violation of Separation of Church and State

Caption under Utube video:

 Unfreakinbelievable!  No wonder Christians get a bad rap.  They don’t like competition. A harmless man was caught on camera being harassed by church security and ordered to leave as people are drawn inside the church to hear him speak and heal the hurting. You gotta see this to believe it.

Christianity This Week:

Has Savior Finally Arrived?

Multiple Witnesses Confirm Demon-Possessed Homeless Man
 Begged Man Not to Torture Him.  Miracle Man Successfully
 Commands Evil Spirits to Go Into A Herd of Pigs”

SelfieBook Post:

Imagine a picture of a young guy holding a picture of a bearded thirtysomething man in one hand. In the other hand is a handwritten sign that says:

If I Get a Million Likes Then This Guy Says I Go To Heaven!!

Big City Times:

Man Claiming to be Savior Admitted to Mental Hospital After 
Arrest in Times Square for Swindling Innocent Victims

Journal of Medicine: 

Medically Unexplainable Miracle: Quadriplegic Since Birth,

Young Man Walks after Man Claiming Power to Heal Visits  Hospital

Eat Network:

Network Launching New Series:

Feeding a Crowd on a Budget

The premiere features a thrifty Jesus and his disciples managing to  feed 5000 with only 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread. Learn from their tips and tricks for getting the most out of what you have.

Jewish Weekly:

Faith Heals: Dead Girl Returns to Life After 

Rabbi Pleads with Man Called Jesus to Save His Dying Daughter

Associated People:

Congress Debates Bill to Ban Ministry in Public Places

WOLF News:

Self-Proclaimed Savior Attracting Millions of Dedicated Followers:

Many Concerned About Dangers of this New Cult

Twister:

Just saw this dude in Times Square heal a crippled homeless man I been knowin for years.  Thinkin he is the real deal. #JesusFreak

U.S. NEWSPAPER:

Angry Crowds Riot After Jesus Nominated for Nobel Peace Price

LGBT News:

Is The Miracle Man For Real?

Man Claiming to be Son of God Expresses Unconditional Love and Kindness to Lesbian Woman Sitting at His Feet During LGBT Convention.

Ofrah: 

Spiritual Healer Finds Favor & Following Among Broken, Lost & Lonely”

Googlie News:

 Jesus’ Facebook Friends Express Doubt About His Authenticity 

when Jesus Publicly Extends Love and Forgiveness to Prostitute.” Like  Comment

Discover It Channel:

Scientists search for the source of the evolving power of the human body to emit healing energy. Join us as we explore this power and it’s usefulness to man.